College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
