I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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