So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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