I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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