Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
