He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
