My room smells like vodka and shame
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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