nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
