remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
