Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
