i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
