census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
