it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
