is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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