I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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