Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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