call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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