so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Less talking, more tequila
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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