when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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