yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
