who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
