Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
