Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
