I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no you cant smoke seaweed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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