Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
