you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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