Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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