Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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