my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
