you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
