he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
