hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
