also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
