i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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