but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
