Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
