All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
