Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
