Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
