The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
