2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
