Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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