Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
