Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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