When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
