Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
