I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
