my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
