walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
