he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
