he wants to bone in the snuggie
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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