Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
