you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
