Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
