guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
