1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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