I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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