Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
