i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
