Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
