I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
