"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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