I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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