if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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