Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
