Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize