Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
