Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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