I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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