Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
