Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
