shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
