this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
