you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize