I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
