yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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