About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
