i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
