there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
