i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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