I forgot how hot balto sounded
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
