My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
