Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
